Category Archives: Relationship

Soul Harvest – Part 3

This year's harvest from the author's garden in Germany.

This year’s harvest from the author’s garden in Germany.

With gardening always comes the harvest — a communion with our Earth, the holy connection between us and the planet. What better way to participate in this than by eating a cherry tomato or snap pea that we have grown in relationship with the Earth? This replenishment of our bodies with what the Earth offers us through our own labor aided by nature’s gifts of sun and rain creates a circular relationship of spiritual unity. Perhaps this is the true meaning of Eucharist, which comes from the Greek for gratitude. By receiving the garden’s bounty into our bodies, we gain the strength, energy, and respect to continue our lives in tandem with it.

Signora Giuseppa enjoys the fruits of her labor - homemade foccacia baked in the wood-burning oven.

Signora Giuseppa enjoys the fruits of her labor – homemade foccacia baked in the wood-burning oven.

One August, when most Italians flee their homes for holidays in the countryside or al mare, Giuseppa was faithfully tending her rows of tomato plants. I passed by one cloudy afternoon to find her worried over the possibility of rain. “If it rains, Caterì, it will ruin all the ripe tomatoes.” She and her extended family spend two days peeling and canning these tomatoes for the winter months. I offered to help her pick them without realizing what I was actually getting into. She accepted my offer, grabbed some crates, and bounded out into the field, calling for me to follow with the wheelbarrow. We spent nearly four hours picking tomatoes that afternoon with her chatting the entire time.

“We used to work for a patrone,” she told me. “Half of what we harvested went to the landowner. One hot summer day, I carried a heavy basket of tomatoes the long road up to the landowner’s house. I used to carry everything on my head in those days, but the wet wash from the lavanderia was always the worst, especially in winter.

“I arrived in the midday heat with those tomatoes. I had been working all morning in the fields and hadn’t eaten a thing. It was a thirty-minute walk straight uphill. The sweat was pouring down me. Do you think that Signora offered me a glass of water or a shady place to rest for a moment?”

We hauled the crates onto the wheelbarrow. “Wait, Caterì, let me help you. These crates are too heavy.” She worked like a twenty-year-old and didn’t seem to tire. Visibly rejoicing in the summer harvest, she became more animated and energized as the number of crates of tomatoes grew and grew. Meanwhile, my back was killing me even as I marveled over the variety and seemingly endless number of tomatoes that lay hidden inside the masses of vines.

As we returned to the fields, Giuseppa lingered for a moment next to the tiny clusters of unripe grapes. “Do you remember last year?” my professoressa quizzed me. “The grapes were ruined with disease. This year the plants are green and lush with fruit. It will be a good year for wine.”

She brushed one hand tenderly over the grapes. “Every year has its own season. Just like our lives. One year there is fruit, another only ruin.”

“But at least here in the campo,” Giuseppa laughed, “there’s always something to eat.”

Note: This story was written while the author was still living in Italy in 2007. It is the last of a three part series.

Go to Soul Harvest – Part 1

Go to Soul Harvest – Part 2

Relationship in the Here-and-Now

Learning how to express ourselves in relationship can be challenging. We often have something vital to say, yet we struggle to express it. Instead of communicating our message, we end up either misunderstood or having the other person become hurt or defensive. This can surprise us. How can they feel that way? We have the best intentions and only want to achieve greater intimacy and connection! This leads us to the question: How can we best express ourselves in a meaningful way and stay in relationship with another person?

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Where are you in relationship to others?

The practice of right relations partly depends on how well we understand our own personal history and how it influences our behavior in relationship. We often tend to see others through our own culture, history, and feelings. This distorts the picture we have of the other, leaving us unable to acknowledge and genuinely respect them and, consequently, create a more fruitful working relationship.

What becomes key is our ability to relate sincerely to the person in any here-and-now situation. This means we need to pay attention to what is happening inside ourselves as well as to what the other communicates to us. Through awareness of ourselves and better understanding of the other, we are more likely to find the best fit for both of us.

In other words, when both parties try to understand the needs and interests of the other, then both will feel acknowledged and be able to better cooperate. We start doing this by seeing what actually is, rather than reacting to what we expect, fear or would like to see. When we cut through habitual patterns of defense, prejudices, expectations, and mindsets, we allow ourselves to open up to new levels of communication.

Being in the here-and-now means fully experiencing what is, and not what happened to you as a child or in your last marriage. It calls for an acceptance of what is NOW. We can do this by staying in touch with our breath, our body sensations, and using our will to inhibit ourselves from acting impulsively. Often we try to figure somebody or a situation out, but the real answer is not in our heads, but in our body and feelings, held long enough to allow solutions to emerge.

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