New (In)Sights

Looking Beyond the Mirror Image

During the last month I have had cataract surgery on both eyes. Nearsighted since I was 9-years-old, receiving clear vision after wearing glasses for 50 years is nothing short of a miracle. Surveying my garden after the operation, the blues of the cornflowers and borage blossoms seemed to jump out at me. Since then many natural images that would once have escaped me are appearing. A delicate winged dragonfly fluttering on top of the lavender. The rhythmic dance of the poppy petals in a soft morning breeze. Sad eyes on the face of the full moon.

However, my bathroom mirror is much more difficult to look at now! How eluded I have been! Suddenly I see wrinkles around my mouth, blotches on my cheeks, all the gray hair on my head, cellulite everywhere but… can it be…on my calves?! The list goes on! How did this happen overnight?

Acceptance seems key here. Of old age. Like 60 which is coming up fast for me. Three years ago I jokingly complained that in all the photos taken of me, an old lady seemed to be there, following me about like a faithful dog. (That old lady, of course, was me!) But I also realize that there are at least two advantages to getting older.

I can now tell beautiful men that they are gorgeous without worrying about the consequences. That was not the case when I was younger.
I now seem to be able to touch people more freely. I can lightly brush their cheek, pat their shoulder, even take their hand or hug them. I am more free to physically express my affection, heartache, and compassion. As a young woman, such physicality was impossible as it could easily be misunderstood as erotic, provocative, or unseemly. Now it’s just viewed as an affectionate gesture from a nice old lady.

So, take heart. There are advantages to growing old that you may not have seen yet. I recently edited a marketing piece about branding that included an example from a producer of beauty products. About 10 years ago, the CEO and his staff decided that their strategy would be to convince American women that they were ugly and growing old. That was the intended goal of the multimillion dollar company. To make you feel old and ugly. And they have had lots of money and expertise to achieve this end. Don’t let them win.

Beauty, as they say, is only skin deep. I have tried to look away from the bathroom mirror into one that might reflect my soul. This view can also be bit disconcerting, but I do see some progress and success. I am happier. I am quieter. I am hugging more people. I am more myself.

The recently deceased Lauren Bacall is quoted as saying, “I think your whole life shows in your face and you should be proud of that.” I always like to say, “I once was young and beautiful. Now I’m just……beautiful!” In psychosynthesis terms, I am trying to dis-identify from my body, knowing that it is temporal and constantly changing. I am so much more than just my body. I am pure consciousness and will. And that is something that doesn’t come in a jar of face cream. Consciousness and will is the human expression of God to which we all are born.

Radiate Like a Living, Walking Billboard

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I often wish I had loads of money so I could buy up space on billboards all over the world. On each road sign, I would advertise a higher quality reminding people that such energy does exist – in life, inside them, inside everyone. Why not write or draw your own billboard of a quality you long to have? Here’s how:

Sit quietly. Breath deeply.
Then choose a higher quality that you would like to develop or come more in touch with. Here are just some suggestions:
Once you have selected a quality (try to stick with one at a time), reflect quietly on the meaning of the word. What is its nature? What is its meaning? Take your time. If an image or idea comes to you, hold onto that image. Try not to censor any images.
Try to “feel” the quality that the word embodies. Let it permeate your being. Allow the word and feeling to take you to a time and place in the past when you felt the feeling. Try now to feel it.
Realize the value of this quality. Recognize its purpose and use, especially in this turbulent world. Praise it in your mind. Desire it.
Allow the quality to express itself on your face.
Now take a card and write the word. Elsewhere, record your thoughts and images. You might want to draw your image on the card.
Place the card where you will easily notice it during the day. Where it will easily catch your eye – at your bedside, on your bathroom mirror, on your desk.
Notice your dreams that night.
Throughout the next month, look at your card. Close your eyes and then open yourself to the inner quality your desire.
Resolve as much as you can to be a living example of this quality. Radiate it! Become a living walking billboard of it!

The Joy of Suffering

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This past week I have received a number of emails from friends as far away as Portland in the USA and Legos in Nigeria. Since they know my husband is Dutch and we live on the German-Dutch border, many are writing to ask if we and our family members are okay after the recent Malaysian airline crash in the Ukraine. (Yes, we are.) On top of this terrible tragedy are the wars raging in Gaza, Iraq, and Syria to occupy us and the news media.

Yesterday I met Simi for the first time. She is a 7-month old solid soul who has nothing but gurgling smiles for the world. Her mother between bites of ice cream became quietly despondent. “Hasn’t the news been terrible lately?” she asked.

Yes, the news has been terrible. The news is always terrible. That’s what news is. Terrible. It is either full of suffering or full of rich, happy, famous people. Sometimes it is full of rich, unhappy, famous people suffering. But usually it consists of poor, unhappy, non-famous people suffering.

If the news is making you feel sad, then there is probably something you need to feel sad about in your own life. A man I met recently said that he had been so sad about the plane crash that he left work early. He didn’t know anyone on the plane, but after talking about himself for a while, I began to realize that he was mostly sad for himself. Doing the same job for 18 years, he dreamed of moving to Italy and starting his own export business. He soon admitted that he was too lazy and complacent to change his life. His sadness seemed to be more about how his life was like a plane about to crash with no escape hatch.

I call this “the comfort of familiar suffering.” So often we are afraid to change our life because we fear what suffering might come to us as a result. Better to stay where we are. At least we know what the suffering we are enduring now feels like! We know how to talk about it for hours and soothe ourselves with fantasy and addictions. Everything is in place and under control to help us feel comfortable in our suffering!